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Jun. 22nd, 2000 11:28 am"It's Friday," she thought, smiling. "Friday and then Spring Break." The vacation was greatly needed by students and faculty alike.
She caught herself preparing to think about him again and gently scolded her mind to a new topic. No need to ruin the calm with such thoughts.
"Don't worry," she told herself, "you'll find plenty to do. You get your license on Monday (just in time!) and your life will bounce back before you know it. Does convincing myself to NOT think about him count as thinking about him?" she wondered. To be on the safe side, she changed her train of thought again.
She thought first about how nice her nap had been. Although the English teacher had interrupted her delicate slumber, she was fully refreshed and feeling almost poetic. The first topic that crossed her mind was the old cliche of now being the time of her life. This was one of those rare days when she was forced to agree. Even though she had been rudely awakened by her alarm clock at 6:03am, the sun was beginning to rise and she did the same with ease. Now she dwelled upon the idea that, even though she disliked school, it at least allowed you to sleep, unlike work.
"I dread getting a real job," she mused. "I wish that I could just stay here forever. I have no responsibilities, no worries. I don't want to have to decide what I want to do with the rest of my life. I barely know what I want to do with it today."
But she did know and was pleased to have plans. Since he had left her she had been struggling to keep herself entertained, but she actually had a full plate this weekend.
"The grass is so pretty," she thought. "I can barely even begin to describe the sky." Then she laughed at herself. She didn't have to! She realized that she was pretending that her life was a movie again. This was something that she had done even as a child. "It's a good thing that it's not a movie because no one would want to see it. Hah! Maybe they would fall asleep."
Sleep-it sounded good to her again. She rested her pale chin on the cool granite window sill and felt the warmth of the sun upon her face again. As the gentle springlike breeze blew the pleasant smell of grass inside, she knew sleep would not be appropriate. Now was a time to relish life and feel joy in the simple things.
"I wish I never had to leave this spot," she thought. "No, not exactly. Right now I'm practically in prison. But if only this window opened a little wider and Mrs. Halloway would just look away...I could be out in the warm grass and dancing in the breeze. I wish I could be barefoot right now. I wish I were in one of those cars. I wish those cars would stop drowning out the bird's simple song. I wish I were in college.
"College will be so different. I have a lot of advice to give to Sammy before I go. I wonder how he'll be when he's a junior. I hope he's big and strong and attractive. I hope he's successful. I hope he becomes everything I'm not.
"I wonder if he'll write me letters asking my advice when I'm in college. It would be really neat to get long letters from him. I would open up my consistantly empty mailbox and one day a little piece of home would be waiting for me."
Brenda marvelled at how fast her life was going to be moving in the approaching years. Next year would be her final one as a resident in the small town that she had lived in her whole life. Although it was nice to have familiarity, she felt plain as well.
"Chicago is going to be amazing," she thought. "I know it'll be hard for a naive country girl like me to adjust, but I can't wait." She took comfort in her newly formulated plan that would allow her to reside in the largest city of her home state for a year before fulfulling her dream of moving to Chicago.
As the last seconds of class slipped away, Brenda packed up her belongings. "This, this is good enough," she whispered.
She caught herself preparing to think about him again and gently scolded her mind to a new topic. No need to ruin the calm with such thoughts.
"Don't worry," she told herself, "you'll find plenty to do. You get your license on Monday (just in time!) and your life will bounce back before you know it. Does convincing myself to NOT think about him count as thinking about him?" she wondered. To be on the safe side, she changed her train of thought again.
She thought first about how nice her nap had been. Although the English teacher had interrupted her delicate slumber, she was fully refreshed and feeling almost poetic. The first topic that crossed her mind was the old cliche of now being the time of her life. This was one of those rare days when she was forced to agree. Even though she had been rudely awakened by her alarm clock at 6:03am, the sun was beginning to rise and she did the same with ease. Now she dwelled upon the idea that, even though she disliked school, it at least allowed you to sleep, unlike work.
"I dread getting a real job," she mused. "I wish that I could just stay here forever. I have no responsibilities, no worries. I don't want to have to decide what I want to do with the rest of my life. I barely know what I want to do with it today."
But she did know and was pleased to have plans. Since he had left her she had been struggling to keep herself entertained, but she actually had a full plate this weekend.
"The grass is so pretty," she thought. "I can barely even begin to describe the sky." Then she laughed at herself. She didn't have to! She realized that she was pretending that her life was a movie again. This was something that she had done even as a child. "It's a good thing that it's not a movie because no one would want to see it. Hah! Maybe they would fall asleep."
Sleep-it sounded good to her again. She rested her pale chin on the cool granite window sill and felt the warmth of the sun upon her face again. As the gentle springlike breeze blew the pleasant smell of grass inside, she knew sleep would not be appropriate. Now was a time to relish life and feel joy in the simple things.
"I wish I never had to leave this spot," she thought. "No, not exactly. Right now I'm practically in prison. But if only this window opened a little wider and Mrs. Halloway would just look away...I could be out in the warm grass and dancing in the breeze. I wish I could be barefoot right now. I wish I were in one of those cars. I wish those cars would stop drowning out the bird's simple song. I wish I were in college.
"College will be so different. I have a lot of advice to give to Sammy before I go. I wonder how he'll be when he's a junior. I hope he's big and strong and attractive. I hope he's successful. I hope he becomes everything I'm not.
"I wonder if he'll write me letters asking my advice when I'm in college. It would be really neat to get long letters from him. I would open up my consistantly empty mailbox and one day a little piece of home would be waiting for me."
Brenda marvelled at how fast her life was going to be moving in the approaching years. Next year would be her final one as a resident in the small town that she had lived in her whole life. Although it was nice to have familiarity, she felt plain as well.
"Chicago is going to be amazing," she thought. "I know it'll be hard for a naive country girl like me to adjust, but I can't wait." She took comfort in her newly formulated plan that would allow her to reside in the largest city of her home state for a year before fulfulling her dream of moving to Chicago.
As the last seconds of class slipped away, Brenda packed up her belongings. "This, this is good enough," she whispered.
